Hmmmm...good question, really. You know, I don’t indiscriminately mess with just anyone’s mind. It has to be someone who, for any variety of reasons, really deserves to be messed with, and in a big way. I generally stay away from those who are intellectually challenged or otherwise incapacitated in some manner - but those who are just a$$holes in every sense of the word? Open season 365 days a year, my friends.
The real challenge lies in the fact that there are soooo many a$$holes from which to choose. It’s as if somewhere, in some remote area, they are manufacturing a$$holes and sending daily shipments to the far reaches of our unwitting planet. It’s kind of disturbing when you think about it, especially when so many of them occupy seats of real power, whether it is on a national, local or personal level. You know who I am referring to - the big mouthed congressman with not enough brains to blow his nose, or maybe that yahoo who is sitting in the cubicle next to you. None of us are immune to these people. Where do they all come from? And where, in the name of all that is good, did their sense of any common decency go? Now THESE are the ones that I enjoy messing with the most. They are the ones who have such an over-inflated value of self-importance that they can’t have anyone ride in the passenger seat when they’re driving, because their ego is riding shotgun. They are the ones who post ridiculously rude comments on other people’s facebook pages completely unwarranted, or the ones that pull into the parking spot you’ve been sitting and waiting for at the mall. They nearly run people over trying to be first in line, and often they are the ones who have been led to believe that out of all the people in the world, they are the hardest working, most clever, and most deserving of all that they perceive themselves to be entitled to under any circumstances. Why you ask? Because in their minds, small as those minds are, they believe themselves to be better than everyone else, literally a gift to all that come into contact with their greatness. It is the world that revolves around them, and everyone should thank God that they have been blessed to be in their presence. They also tend to be the ones who never realize that of all the human beings on the face of the earth, they rank in the top two percent of most offensive. It's truly a shame they don't stop and really listen to themselves speak...it may be quite a revelation, although somehow I doubt it.
What these poor souls don’t realize is that for people like me, they are fodder for our entertainment. There is nothing quite like watching someone make a complete a$$ out of themselves, then compounding the situation by making them look even more foolish. Mind you, I am totally aware that I may be going straight to hell for my transgressions, but you know, I just can’t stop myself. And the BEST is when I can knock them down a peg or two and they don’t even realize it, but most everyone else is the room does...simply precious Kodak moments for me to file away and whip out when I need some amusement.
I have little patience or tolerance for people who perceive themselves to be better – better friends, better parents, better human beings – than anyone else. What makes them better? Is it their intrinsic sense of self-worth? Their religion? Their money? Their perfect families in their perfect houses? Perhaps it is their ability to beat other people down so they can make themselves look that much more wonderful. I don’t know about you, but those who appear to have the rosiest lives are often the ones that fall the hardest and the farthest. I have no illusions when it comes to myself...not only am I not perfect, I could fill a novel the size of “War and Peace” with my collection of “dumba$$” moments throughout my life. I own my life – good, bad or otherwise. I make no excuses for all that I have done over the years. Honestly, there isn’t much I would do differently – a few things I might change, of course. But overall, my experiences and mistakes have made me who I am. One small change, one left turn instead of a right, and my life could have played out completely different, and I like where I am right now, in this moment. I think it is our lack of perfection that makes us human, and while we all make different but equally stupid mistakes, it is our collective mistakes that bind us together. One can only hope that we learn from each other’s mistakes and move on in a positive direction.
So, for those of you who have elevated yourselves to a level far above the rest of us? Take heed, I will have no mercy and it will not be pretty. Just know, that in some special way, you have truly earned it.
Cheers, have a great weekend!