Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says "Oh shit, she's awake."

Friday, January 20, 2012

"Hungry" is not an attractive look on a woman...

Someone posted a picture today that really made me stop and think about perceptions and the definition of beauty. 

Now, let me pose a question. Who can really tell me something physically attractive about any one of the women in the top row?  By the way, it should be noted that the “fat one” in the top row, (2nd from left) is Nicole Richie.  Now how scary is that? Wasn’t she getting torn apart in the press before giving birth to two children for being anorexic? Now, she’s not even the skinniest one “in the room.”   I’m not sure how a lot of you feel about it, but I certainly do not want my daughter emulating any of those four women.  They look sickly, malnourished…they look like they need to eat a damn bacon cheeseburger and a half gallon of Edy’s Double Fudge Brownie ice cream.  I don’t care if the camera puts ten pounds on you.  These women need to gain thirty pounds.

The bottom row of women…wow, now that is what women are supposed to look like – curvy, voluptuous, sensual, feminine.  Not one of them looks like, well, a boy.  They have hips and boobs, and they look HEALTHY.  I don’t know of one man in the world who would pick any of the women on the top row. My Bill calls women like that “bone racks” and would rather hug a tree than some underweight toothpick.  I love that about him, about all men really.  Men don’t set women up for the impossible.  Women do.

Think about it, who do women dress for?  Other women.  How many women live on a diet? I don’t know about you, but practically every woman I know is striving for “skinny” even though they won’t admit it. I’ve been guilty of this myself.  Then I realized what a poor example I was setting for my sweet impressionable daughter.  What exactly was wrong with the way I looked?  Nothing.  All I know is I would often compare myself to the woman on the front of the magazine cover who has been airbrushed to perfection, or I’d walk into a room and think to myself “Is she thinner than me?  Is my ass bigger than hers?”  Mistake.  And inevitably I end up seeing a photo of myself (because who isn’t snapping photo these days) and think to myself, “I look great. What the hell is my problem?”  No matter how perfect you strive to be, chances are there will be someone who seems “more perfect” whatever the hell that is.  Women are their own worst enemy.  Women live in an uber-competitive world where the most perfect woman wins, and the rest are left to feel inadequate. My friend told me about a conversation he had with a woman who stated “whenever I enter a room I have to be the hottest one there.”  What a sad existence.  What happened to being “the nicest” or “the most compassionate” or the woman with a heart so big, everyone is in awe of her? I refuse to do that to myself any more…NEVER AGAIN. My husband, my daughter, my friends, my family – they all love me just the way I am.  If I die tomorrow, what does it matter?  Are people going to walk by my coffin and say, “too bad she’s dead, because it’s the thinnest I’ve ever seen her.”  Not likely.  I HOPE they will think, “wow, she lived a wonderful life, and was an amazingly giving person.”  

Don’t get me wrong, I am no advocate for obesity, in fact I believe it is one of the biggest issues with the overall health of Americans.  What I am is an advocate for “healthy.”  News flash…skinny does not automatically equal healthy.  Ask Karen Carpenter about that one…oh wait, she’s dead thanks to anorexia…never mind.  Healthy means living your life in a way that promotes well being, both physically and mentally.  When you are healthy and happy on the inside, it always shows.  Beauty is rarely about physical appearance.  Beauty shines from within, and that is what makes a person beautiful.

Three cheers for the women bigger than a size two or four.  Say what you want about Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, or Christina Aguilera, and a few others that are in the public eye.  They make no apologies for their curves, and are, in fact, really quite happy with them.  I applaud them for not being bone thin, for being real about their bodies.  You want to be healthy? Live your life in MODERATION and strive to find your “happy place” within yourself.  I promise that if you can do that, you’ll find that the person looking back at you in the mirror will be one of the gorgeous women in the world, inside and out.

Please, stop being so hard on yourself, and learn to love who you are.

Friday, January 13, 2012

FACT - kitchen appliances are not birthday presents.

This week, our coffeemaker passed away. I’m not sure how it died, but we could not resuscitate it. It was certainly a sad occasion. Once Bill and I got over the untimely demise of our kitchen appliance, we knew it was time to start a heartfelt discussion on a new coffeemaker. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that it would cause so much angst in our otherwise peaceful home. Long story short…I want a Keurig system coffeemaker, and Bill wants a traditional Mr. Coffee, load up the Folger’s, fill it with water and turn the bitch on kind of coffee maker. Therein lies our dilemma. Last night’s particular conversation was interesting – note that it took place while we were lying in bed, lights already out…

Me – “We really need to get a new coffeemaker. I think we should get a Keurig.”

Bill – “Do you want it for your birthday???”

Me – “Uhhhh…NO. Have you lost your mind? Why would I want an appliance for my birthday? You might as well be buying me a new vacuum cleaner.”

Bill – “Ok, no coffeemaker for your birthday…got it. But I think we should just get a regular coffeemaker. We don’t need a fancy coffeemaker.”

Me – “You don’t understand. The coffee is foolproof. You’ll no longer have to deal with my coffee, which is too strong for you. We don’t have to grind coffee beans anymore because I’m too much of an elitist to use pre-ground grocery store coffee. It makes a PERFECT cup of coffee every fucking time.”

Bill – “I just like regular Maxwell House coffee-flavored coffee.” Me – “A Kuerig makes regular coffee, by the cup.” Bill – “Yeah, but if it makes it one cup at a time, it will take too long.”

Me – “Honey, it brews a cup of coffee in less than a minute.”

Bill – “No, it’s not a good idea. We should just get a regular coffeemaker.”

Me – “You’ve never even USED a Kuerig before. You have no idea what you are talking about! Wow, are we REALLY having this conversation now? You must not want to have sex at all.”

Bill – “I’m sorry. Let’s just drop it and have sex.”

Tricia (yelling from her room) - "Would you just stop talking and go to sleep???"

Me – nothing but the sound of me rolling over and going to sleep.

I would have never believed that coffeemaker would be such a point of contention. Even more than that, I cannot believe my sweet and wonderful husband actually contemplated getting me one for my birthday. Buy me candy, buy me wine, buy me jewelry or a day at the spa. DO NOT buy me household appliances. THAT will put a damper on your sex life for sure.

I will not yield on this one. We are getting a Kuerig and that’s that. We don’t even drink enough coffee to finish a pot, and inevitably, we always make too much. So the wonderfully easy and convenient “by the cup” method is perfect for us. And Bill will no longer have to drink coffee that is so strong, you can literally watch the hair on your chest grow while drinking it. (Southerners…they drink some weak-ass coffee in my opinion.) I know he’s not really on board with it right this moment, but when it’s sitting on our counter, surrounded by the glow of convenience and urban chic, I know he’s going to love it.

Maybe, but whatever, if I can’t have a Boo like Pomeranian, then dammit, I am getting a Kuerig, and it won’t be a birthday present.  I win.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Thanks for the memories, Beaches!!!

I’m back from the holidays…I know, you’ve missed me. I almost didn’t get a blog in this week, but I hate to disappoint…grin. By the way, I hope everyone had the best and brightest of holidays.

I have been reflecting on my holiday break which was spent in a beautiful rented house in the Outer Banks in North Carolina with my darling hubs, Bill, my precious daughter, Tricia, and some of the funniest, nuttiest, most caring people I know – a truly great ensemble cast of characters. Some of them were there for a few days, some for the week. There were a few surprise visitors, one brought his guitar along with him. We played pool, ate mountains of food (mostly bacon) and drank enough alcohol that I’m actually considering putting myself on a transplant list now. We spent an afternoon assing around in our 4x4’s on the beach, and spent most evenings just hanging out, since that was more fun than any other venue could provide. Believe me, this bunch is more than entertaining. There was laughter in copious quantities, love was in the air, and some memories were made that I will carry for the rest of my life. I think each one of us can say we saw a side of each other that we wouldn’t normally be privy to, and it was just amazing. No one fought, egos were checked at the door, and everyone got along brilliantly. I can say in all honesty it was one of the best Christmases I can remember in a long time. I cherish each one of you – Sherrel, Brian, Rich, Annessa, Heather, Jeff, John, P.J. and Billy. There were a few who couldn’t make it. I can’t imagine how much even more crazy fun it would have been if they had been there. Georgia, Missy, Stacy, Sherry, Donna…nothing would make me happier than if you could be there next time as well.Of course we'll need a bigger house. Five bedrooms won't cut it.

It’s funny the people that come in and out of your life. Some are there for only a short amount of time while others walk into your life and stay awhile. The good ones are the ones you grow old with, and I certainly hope each of my crazy friends is with me for a lifetime, however long that may be. It’s hard to find quality people whom you care about, and who really think you matter as well. I’ve been plagued with people who are takers, who only think of themselves. Those are the ones that are the most toxic. You never really spot them at the time, but when you step back and really look at their behaviour, how they treat you and others, it becomes painfully obvious that the person they are most concerned about is themselves. Even their own families take a back seat to their wants and their needs, their perception of what they deserve, to hell with everyone else. One should never give away their energy to such people, for to do so is tantamount to beating your against a wall. I don't know about you, but I’m tired of having a headache. Thankfully I can count those individuals on one hand, the others were weeded out long ago. The years have taught me to always be wary of the takers in the world.

My intimate group of friends, that bunch of whack jobs? There isn’t one of them that fits into the “taker” category. They give of themselves without thinking, and they are loyal no matter what. I am certain I could pick up the phone and call them if I needed them, even for bail money. I’d say that would never be the case, but...ya know...

So here is to 2012…out with the old, and in with the new. But I am blessed to have a lot of the “old” in my life to carry over into the new year, and beyond.

I just wanted you to know that you guys are the simply the best, and I am humbled to be a part of your lives. <3

I cherish each one of you more than you know. <3