Forty-seven really doesn't seem so bad after all...

Yeah, I know…I didn’t post a blog last week, so shoot me.  I’ve been too traumatized by the fact that I am turning 47 on February 5^th, only to be upstaged by the Superbowl – which, by the way, involves two teams I hate, but I’m going to have to go with the Giants, because I hate New England more.  Take that Tom Brady.  Eli gets to be THE MAN.  By the way Tom, I hope your wife gets fat and all of your hair falls out.

Actually this year I am not dreading my birthday with the same vigor displayed in years past.  Mostly because I have decided that this year, I shall throw myself a birthday extravaganza.  It will be a fabulous soire with all my friends who are more than glad to help me usher in my special day…mostly because they know I don’t care if they trash my house and I always have a fully stocked bar.  My “pawty” even has a theme, bacon.  Why?  Why not?  Is there anything more perfect than a perfectly cooked slice of bacon wrapped around a scallop?  I plan on having a complete line of bacon-festooned dishes sure to send at least half the guests into cholesterol-induced cardiac arrest. There will be bacon cheeseburger sliders, bacon mac and cheese, bacon deviled eggs, and at least a half dozen other nommy bacon infused dishes. I’ve forewarned those attending to double up on their Lipitor.  Let’s hope they listened.

I think there is another reason why I am so hyped up about my birthday party this year, other than the party factor.  I think it could be that I’ve come to a place where I am really quite happy with the way life has turned out, all things considered. I’m also comfortable enough in my own skin to not mind getting older.  I thought it would be horrible, but really, it’s not.  I have a group of friends that operate like a finely tuned emsemble cast.  We know each other, we play off each other. We hound each other endlessly over each other’s soft spots and weaknesses.  We’ve had to weed out a few undesirables who simply couldn’t “run with the big dogs” so we thought it better if they just stayed on the porch. It’s never a dull moment, and I love that about them. I hope they’re around for my 77^th birthday, which I will attending on my pimped-out jazzy scooter with the cupholder for my cocktail and basket on the front to carry around my sweet Bill.  Actually, maybe a sidecar would be better, we’ll have to see what kind of options those things have when it is required.

I have my daughter, who rolls her eyes at me like no other.  She is brilliantly funny, beautiful beyond words (although she doesn’t believe that) and blessed with a brain much bigger than mine.  She makes every day a joy, even when she’s pissing me off ten different ways, and I’m so very proud of her.  She’s my girl, my angel, the very best part of me.

I have a family that I am truly grateful to have in my life.  They ground me, hold me up, and make me feel that no matter what, I am loved.  It’s hard to match that feeling, and I love them back a thousand times more.  

And last but not least, I have my Bill.  My therapist, my soulmate, my friend, and my partner.  He loves me unconditionally, despite my faults, quirks and idiosyncracies, and loves me for exactly who I am.  I can’t remember what it was like in my life before he was beside me, but I’m sure I never want to go through life without him again.

So here’s to 47.  May it be as glorious as the last 46 years.  I have so much to be thankful for, so much to live for, and so much to give back to those who have been so totally awesome to me.  Everyone should be so blessed.

Third time is the charm...

Somewhere between Walmart and the office on my way to work this morning, it hit me...I’m getting married...again...

Everyone keeps asking me “How do you know Bill is ‘the one’?” “Why are you going through this again?” “Are you crazy?” As a matter of fact, yes, I am, but that is another matter entirely. The more important question would be "Is Bill crazy???" The questions make me giggle, but I can see why people would think that maybe I have lost my mind. My track record is not stellar when it comes to the bonds of matrimony. But as I have often said, I cannot allow myself to have any regrets, because every decision I have made in my life has led me to this very spot, this exact moment. I have become the person I am because of the choices I have made, and by and large, I am incredibly happy with who I am. There is always room for improvement, but still, as a package...not bad. Bill, on the other hand...well, I am truly the lucky one. Other than my father, I have never met a man as solid and as pure of heart as Bill. There is no doubt he is the kindest, humblest, most ethical man I have ever known. He is honest to a fault, and loyal to his friends and family always. He also loves my daughter like his own, and for that I am so very thankful. He is handsome, and sexy, and very very young at heart. Indeed, he still "gives me butterflies."

It was easy to realize that marrying Bill is absolutely the right thing to do. How can I be so sure? It’s simple...he is the only man I have ever, in my entire life, pictured myself growing old with. As someone who can barely deal with a new wrinkle on her face (vanity runs deep through these veins) the thought of getting older has not exactly been a pleasant point to ponder, until I met Bill. Maybe life is all in the timing, but we seem to have met at a very important crossroad in our lives. We were both closing chapters on less than perfect relationships, and we were both looking for someone whose company we could enjoy - a happy, simple and uncomplicated pairing. Of course, as any man would tell you, if there is a woman in the mix, it is rarely uncomplicated. But while far from perfect, I have overcome a lot of those "womanly charms" that drive men batty. To me, jealousy is wasted energy, so I do not indulge those thoughts on any level. I am secure in who I am, and what I bring to the table. If my partner cannot see that, then he is not the person for me. Bill appreciates the fact that I don’t mind if he glances at an attractive woman, or that I don’t take offense if a member of the opposite sex approaches him in conversation - on the contrary, I like that other women find him appealing. Honestly, I have always felt that I know who I came with, and I know who I am leaving with, so to treat the situation differently would indicate a lack of trust in Bill, and I trust Bill implicitly. I also have learned in my forty-six years that I enjoy the silence, so I never feel the need to bombard Bill with non-stop chatter. We are both good with sitting quietly, knowing that just being together is sometimes enough. We work well together, almost always happily synchronized with each other, We laugh at each other’s jokes and finish each other’s sentences. I am happy to give Bill the space he needs to do the things he loves, and he is always willing to allow me the same courtesy. We share a world of interests, but we also have those things that are ours alone. It’s ok to be separate, something else I have learned. What makes us different also helps to keeps us interesting and just a bit mysterious to our mate, and as a woman, there is nothing I like more than being just a bit mysterious.

We have learned much about each other and ourselves as a couple in three years. I cannot remember what my life was like before I met Bill, and I cannot imagine one moment of my life without him. He is my rock. He keeps me centered and grounded, and he makes me very very happy. In this day and age, it is so rare to find that one person who captures your heart completely. Bill carries my heart around in his back pocket. He knows that, and is always careful not to break such a precious possession.

So yes, I am excited about marrying my Bill. This is a good thing, for us, for our children, and for our future. I am excited about the possibilities, and I look forward to a lifetime of laughter, truly blessed moments, and sometimes tears too. I want to share it all with him. And someday, far far down the road, I hope I am the one to look into his eyes and take my last breath, because I never want to wake up and have him not be next to me. This is real, folks. But as they say, Better late than never.

And no, I’m not wearing white - ivory is a more appropriate choice. But I really do believe that the third time is the charm.