Anyway, one of my dearest friends is wrapping up her move to Maine. In actuality, she has been up there since last fall, but just recently sold her D.C. condo, so now I guess it’s permanent. (Insert my bitchy resting face here.) I was hopeful that somehow she would not sell it, thus giving her an excuse to come back here periodically, but alas, my hopes have been stomped on by the D.C. real estate market. She’s all packed up now, and will be leaving next week. Am I sad? Yep, although not terribly sad. I refuse to say goodbye to this awesome woman, and priceless friend. We’ve only known each other for a few years, but I feel like I’ve known her a lifetime. I also know that no matter how long it is between conversations, or how many miles between, she will always be there, and vice versa. Why? Because she gets me, and all the neurotic/crazy behavior that goes along with knowing me. Besides, I’m not losing a friend. I am gaining a new vacation spot, and that can’t be all bad. And I have heard her bragging about the outlets up there. Shopping is a good excuse to visit.
Being a Yankee girl, going to Maine isn’t terribly frightening, although they do talk funny up there. I know they say wicked a lot. I shall try to incorporate it into my vocabulary so that I am comfortable using it in any situation. “It’s wicked cold out today” or “That’s some wicked big hair you are wearing tonight” (only she will get that reference) are two fine examples of how I can use “wicked” in my every day vernacular. I also understand that when someone dies in the winter up there, they have to “keep them on ice” until the spring thaw because they can’t dig holes in the ground to plant someone in the winter (keeping them cold shouldn’t be hard since it’s cold as BALLS up there in the winter.) Hell, just throw grandpa out on the back porch until the ground defrosts. Therefore, I think it’s best if I only travel during the temperate seasons, in case I croak while visiting. I don’t want to overstay my welcome. I think summer is on a Wednesday in July but I will have to verify that. Maybe it’s a Thursday, I don’t know. I know it’s not much longer than a week at best. I shall take lots of snuggly clothes with me just in case the weather turns quickly. I’m going to see her this weekend before her departure, which will give me the opportunity to remind her that she will no longer need all those fabulous summer designer duds, so she should just leave them with me. I will take good care of them, and make sure they are worn only in fashionable and appropriate situations. We wear about the same size, so we might as well make the most of it, eh? Which leads me my next question. I know they say “eh” a lot in Canada, which is CLOSE to Maine. Does that mean they also say “eh” like they say “wicked”? Damn, it’s like learning another language.
So to you, my big-haired fabulous friend, I wish you much love and great happiness back home where you truly belong, although it really doesn’t work for me, but whatever. I shall love you anyway. Expect a visitor, and make sure those sheets on my bed are high thread count. You know how high maintenance I am. Not "goodbye" but "see ya later alligator".