Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says "Oh shit, she's awake."

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best…and always have vodka on hand...

So, after our earlier “earthquake event” this week, we are now officially moving onto a “category 3 hurricane event.” Get out your ark and your paddles folks. Load up the animals, and batton down the hatches. It’s supposed to be a frog-strangler.

Here is the really interesting part. I just read that Virginia has already declared a “state of emergency”. My overriding thought? I wonder how late the liquor store is open? We are completely out of vodka, and there is no way in hell I am going to weather a hurricane without some hooch. While the rest of the world is laying in supplies of non-perishables and toilet paper, all I can think of is “what would be an appropriate cocktail for a Force 3 hurricane named Irene??? (By the way, have you NOTICED how many hurricane names start with the letter I – Irene, Ike, Isabelle, Igor…and those are just the ones at the top of my head. Maybe we should start at “Z” next year, and work our way backwards through the alphabet, just for a change of pace. We can call the first one Zazu, or Zippy.)

It’s always such fun to watch the masses scramble to clean out every item known to man from the grocery store shelves. Hell, a half inch of snow in the metro DC area, and chaos reigns supreme. I challenge you to find anything worth eating, drinking or wiping your butt with when there is an approaching snowstorm around here. I guarantee if you don’t head out at the first sign of a disaster, you will be cleaning your posterior with toilet paper the consistency of sandpaper. (Everyone knows the Charmin and AngelSoft are the first to go.)

So as I sit here at the office contemplating the impending doom headed straight for the East Coast, I am making out my list – vodka, bourbon (for Bill), club soda and pepsi for mixers, a couple of limes, maybe some champagne for mimosas, and of course, Charmin. I can’t be bothered cooking on the weekends (Irene is making her appearance on Saturday) so we will be reduced to whatever is easy and handy. I see hotdogs and pb&j’s in my future, because as everyone knows, nothing goes with a vodka tonic quite like a good peanut butter & jelly sammich. Domino’s will probably still be delivering, so pizza is always an option. They will deliver in ANY kind of weather, I swear. Hmmmm...what else do I need to put on my list of “hurricane essentials?” Movies, of course, and hell, there will be pre-season football on the telly so we should have plenty to watch. With any amount of luck, maybe a “Criminal Minds” or “Law & Order SVU” marathon??? You know, on second thought this whole hurricane thing isn’t sounding so bad. We have booze, entertainment, potty paper, and pizza. What else could a person need? Certainly it could be worse.

I know I am good at poking fun at just about everything, but on a more serious note…to our many friends in Hatteras, NC…you are in our thoughts and prayers. Be smart and be safe. WE LOVE YOU ALL!

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