Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says "Oh shit, she's awake."

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

And the ink isn’t even dry…

So today I heard that Kat Von D and Jesse James are engaged no more…Splitsville, moooooving on. Imagine my utter shock. Those two? Really? And here I thought it was going to last forever-what a crushing blow to romantics all over the world. I cannot wait to see what next world famous tattoo artist Mr. James move onto, or should I say into…I wonder if he gets a good deal on his ink?

Just one more seemingly perfect couple who has left us feeling robbed of “the happy ending.” Don’t you just love how these celebrities toss aside relationships like they are last season’s Prada? For those of us slightly beyond 25, we look at these dumba$$es and generally roll our eyes. The fact that anyone takes anything that comes out of their mouth as anything more than an momentary exuberant utterance is amazing. I just hope Ms. Von D was not gullible enough to have “Forever Jesse” emblazoned on the inside of her upper thigh. That’s going to leave a mark, especially on the next lucky fellow who finds himself “up there.” I guess the one statement that can be made about these lovebirds is at least the ended it before the deal was “inked.”

I was buoyed by a recent news story that said after many years of divorce steadily rising, it is now in fact on the decline. I can actually see that being the case, since no one, no matter how unhappy, can afford a decent divorce attorney these days. ($350-$500 an hour…really??? Damn, I should have gone to law school.) Let’s face it, there are those out there who just can’t afford to make the leap back into single life, so they choose to stay in an unhappy, loveless relationship…reduced to a lifetime of “hallway sex.” (If you need me to explain the definition of hallway sex, leave me a comment, and I will be happy to oblige.) I’m sad for those folks. What if they died tomorrow? No one should die that miserable. Life is just too short for that kind of tragedy. Ask Amy Winehouse…her boyfriend Reg left her, and now, well, let’s just say she’s feeling a bit “cold” about the whole thing.

Don’t get me wrong, I am in no way condoning divorce. While I am indeed divorced myself, I still believe in love and marriage. In fact, I have recently married my soul mate and “forever love” after what felt like a lifetime of searching. Being married to the right person is bliss. Being married to the wrong person is nothing short of hell (been there too.) Maybe that is why I feel that it should be really really hard to get married, and really easy to divorce. Isn’t it possible that if the act of marriage were as difficult as the act of divorce, most of us would consider it much more carefully? (Of course, given the amount of idiot parents out there, I kind of feel the same way about having children, but that is a whole other blog.)

So, Mr. James and Ms. Von D, along with Ms. Lopez and Mr. Anthony and others, please stop…stop having your publicists plan your weddings and subsequent divorces. As a matter of fact, stop naming your children ridiculous names. (Who names their kid Apple???) Just stop because mostly we find you boorish, and contrived, and morally and ethically bankrupt. And mostly, we just wish you’d go about your lives without making us live it right along with you. If you feel the need to live your lives so publicly, then go the route of others and make a reality show. At least we have the option of changing the channel.


  1. hallway sex - when two married people pass each other in the hallway and say "f&%k you!"