Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says "Oh shit, she's awake."

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Of course I want salt…how else am I supposed to retain water like a real woman?

It is a known fact that I am not always the best at dealing with high stress levels. Cranky would be an understatement, as to which Bill and Tricia will testify. This month seems to be one of those months...big meeting in NYC not a month away, wedding on the 15th of April, honeymoon after (which means making sure our high maintenance menagerie is tended to in the manner in which they have become accustomed is a priority while we are gone.) Throw in there the daily rigors of simply dealing with life, and you have a recipe for...cocktails. To those of you who know me, yes, I know you are shocked. To those of you who don’t, let’s just say I know my way around a liquor bottle.

Last night, as a gift to myself, I trekked across town to the home of a friend of mine who has had a tough year herself. Her divorce is now final (YAY!) and her apartment is darling. For an instant, I was jealous. Wow, a home ALL to yourself. No one else’s laundry, mess, errant hairs in the bathroom sink, or unflushed toilets. Of course, I wouldn’t trade all those things, or lack thereof, for the love of my Bill and my Tricia, but the momentary fantasy left me almost giddy. To boot it all, on the counter of her perfectly decorated kitchen bar area was...drumroll...a JIMMY BUFFETT MARGARITA MACHINE. I found myself coveting it, longing for it. It was huge – nearly large enough to drown every ounce of stress that is currently plaguing my life. It SHAVED the ice instead of crushing it, and it even had this cool compartment that drained off any water that had melted off the ice, so it would not water down your drinks, something I consider a cardinal sin. What an engineering marvel. Did someone win a Nobel prize for this beauty? I secretly wondered if she would rent it to me in a dire stress emergency. I didn’t ask, but I have filed the thought away. Indeed, if, for one paycheck, I stopped getting slammed with unexpected and annoying expenses, I might be able to scrape together enough pennies to go buy one for myself. Hers was a gift from her boss…what a thoughtful and wonderful boss she has! I heard her mention Kohl’s as the place where these indispensible kitchen accessories could be found. I’ve already decided mine will be red. I closed my eyes for just a moment and envisioned it in my kitchen. Certainly it would need to have a place of honor. I wonder if I could talk Bill into putting an addition on the house to display it properly? Hey! We could put in a sunroom just off the kitchen, and it could not only display my BEAUTIFUL margarita machine, but we could appropriately decorate the room in a Jimmy Buffett theme and move the cockatoo, parrot and cockatiel out there. I will name my new room Parrothead Alley...magic! I just knew Bill would think it was a good idea. Hell, he knows how I am. I am the woman who buys a pair of shoes she can’t live without, then plans an entire wardrobe around said shoes so I never have to remove them from my feet. Surely, he will understand the importance of having a Jimmy Buffett Margarita Machine. What home would be complete without one? We could even use it to make the world’s most DELICIOUS margaritas and set up a stand at the end of the driveway to sell them. Think of the income potential. Maybe I could get my friend to bring hers over and we could sell two flavours. My friend is going to LOVE this idea, I just know it. Before you can say “pour me another”, we will have ALL of Manassas, Virginia, stress-free and completely loaded. I think Manassas could use a little of that...just sayin...

So please, if you a free moment in your day, say a little prayer that I can attain Margarita nirvana in the not-to-distant future. If I do, you are certainly invited to stop by and indulge in some stress-free margarita heaven...with or without salt. :)


  1. You have some pretty amazing friends!!! No week should go by without a margarita or three!! XO

  2. After today I need an IV bag of booze.